Shall I Stay or Shall I Go?

 

There are 2 types of people in this world: Type 1 finds it hard to let go of things and likes to stick to what they have. Type 2 easily throws old patterns, places and relationships over board to explore something new. I think that currently, at least in my social circles, type 2 is en vogue. It seems normal to date a lot of different people, change jobs every other year and move spontaneously to a different country. Everybody has this constant fear of missing out (FOMO), the fear of stagnancy. And yes, I'm totally a type 2 kind of person, too. But after living this lifestyle for quite some time, I started wondering if it really pays off to behave that way. Let me give you some examples.

 

After endless casual dating, I finally ended up in what one might call a first "serious" relationship. And I love it! But every now and then I miss being single and those exciting first dates a bit. Or I think of bygone crushes and wonder if it was the right decision to let them go. But then I realised that it's all an illusion. It's easy to focus on the pros of something that you don't have. These pros might be there, but you will only realise the cons until you are in that new situation. In other words: even if I decided to change boyfriends or be single again, life wouldn't be all rosy. My struggles would just be struggles of a different kind. The other aspect is that you trade intimacy for excitement. And it takes a lot of time to reach the level of intimacy that you had with your old partner. 

 

Another field in which I tend to be mercurial are my hobbies. As a teenager, I have probably tried any hobby that one can pursue in my hometown. I did everything from tennis to ballet, gym to jiu jitsu, from painting to pottery. I found it interesting to try out new stuff, but I guess I got tired of the effort that it takes to practice and become good at a hobby. And I assume my expectations were often so high, that it was impossible to satisfy me. Why play tennis, if I can't be the next Steffi Graf? Why go to the gym, if it's not super entertaining? The result is that I know the basics of a lot of sports and creative fields, but I'm not particularly good at any of all ex-hobbies. 

 

Lastly, I would like to talk a little about cities. I'm actually about to move houses later today. I've just counted: it will be apartment number 17 in 6 years. The number sounds quite intimidating now that I think about it. And it seems so obvious that you cannot possibly feel rooted anywhere when you move so many times. But whenever I took the decision to move again, there was something intriguing in the next place. A new country, a new culture, an exciting job, a fancy university. What I didn't realise at the time is that I miss out on depth. With all those moves, I never managed to be member of any club and I have 5 dentists. And just think of all the time I spent on the administrative side of moving houses... Insane. So right now I have a huge urge to stay in a place for some time ans finally feel part of my local community.

 

In the bottom line, I don't want to be dismissive about my type 2 personality. I'm glad that I had all those experiences and lived in all those different cities. But I do want to question the entire concept of FOMO. So what I'm trying to say is this: When ever you are about to start something new, hold on for a second. Maybe the thing that you are about to give up or leave behind has more pros than you think. Maybe you're not missing out when you are sticking with what you already have. Maybe you are missing out even more, when you're going for something new.

 

(Photo: https://unsplash.com)

Comments: 10 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Ravi Moholkar (Tuesday, 14 April 2015 01:03)

    Introspection? :)

  • #2

    govoi (Tuesday, 14 April 2015 10:20)

    I love this piece, it's peace inside out, just know that even in your movement, your type number one, it helped you alot and it influenced your type two alot and whereveryou are, i am happy for your, thanks for this

  • #3

    Sylvia (Wednesday, 15 April 2015 08:59)

    Your thoughts on this topic are great - and make me question my own personality.
    I see myself as a mixture of both types: I am very fond of trying new things, adapt to changes quickly or even enforce them consciously. But I only like changing one thing at a time to always have one constant to accompany me during my journey.
    For example when I was looking for new job opportunities, I was more open-minded and self-confident because I knew my boyfriend was my fixing point during this phase of change.
    I don't see this as anxiety towards new things, but rather as my strength to be even better at new things.

  • #4

    Marcelou (Tuesday, 09 June 2015 11:33)

    Congrats, very true and reflected words. I am quite shocked how close I seem to be to type No 2 and also feel the desire for more of the advantages of a type1-like-life =) keep on writing down those thoughts. Really a nice lil blog you created there. Hugs from Bremen

  • #5

    Inge (Saturday, 13 June 2015 09:48)

    You probably know that people are very diverse and that there are a lot of changes during a lifetime. I have been moving a lot before staying in one place for 13 years - what changed then was family, occupation...
    The most important thing is, that you feel good with what you are doing. Great way to get to know the world an yourself! Like your blog!

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