She was just in the middle of ordering some take-away curry at the tiny Thai restaurant at Hermannplatz when she saw him. Big brown eyes, charming smile and wild curly hair. No doubt, it was him. He sat in the corner of the restaurant, vividly talking to a Spanish looking girl. A smile flashed over her face.
People like to think of feelings as colours. Like singer Nina Simone who is “bluer than blue can be” and wants to “lie down and die”. And Tyler Swift who thinks “loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street, loving him was red”. Blue, red, black and white... They all seem so deep and dramatic. But some feelings are just green.
The first time she met him was on the bus. She had just arrived at the airport to start a new chapter of her life in Berlin. He had dropped off a visitor at the airport and was on his way back downtown, too. He offered her a hand with her luggage and his number. She enjoyed how bubbly he was, especially with his Italian accent. Simple, funny, boyish.
A few days later she found herself sat on his couch, waiting for his friends and some homemade pasta. Turns out he works at one of Berlin’s poshest restaurants and he is the boy toy of the restaurant’s owner. While handing her a glass of wine, he’s explaining his Berlin way of life. Weekends are usually spent at the nightclub Berghain. “How do you get in? I heard they have the toughest bouncer in town?”, she asks. “Toughest bouncer? I just slept with him last night”, he replies with a wink. The doorbell rings and he steals a small kiss from her before letting in his flamboyant friends.
Some feelings are green more than any other colour. They don’t speak of big beginnings and dramatic endings. They speak of the little joy, some smiles and continuation, almost as if nothing ever happened at all.
When she saw him at the Thai restaurant, many years had passed since the small kiss on his couch. They had not seen each other ever since. She watched him while waiting for her take-away curry, not sure whether he had spotted her as well. It didn’t actually matter. She felt kind of green.
(Painting: Amadeo Modigliani)