Breaking Bridges

 

My heart is longing for you,

dreaming, hoping. 

Seeing you from afar,

living through all those fantasies

Of us together, happy, after all

 

Living in a continuum of "what if” and “when finally”

Surviving on a diet of well kept memories

 

Sweeter than honey, almost too sticky

When I look at photos and I see this perfect couple that we seem to be

Watch us in videos, so fond of each other

 

But then the reality looks different

The reality is a life on my own

A waiting state 

As if I got lost in the large halls of King’s Cross station

Straying around

Scared that my train has left without me long time ago

And I am just too ignorant to notice that it really has 

 

Sweet bits of memory, 

But what lies in between, really?

I’m putting myself on hold, 

Preserving my precious love for the few occasional moments I spend with you

Are we even on the same page about our love?

I thought so, but then we weren't

 

My sweet dreams clash with how you really are,

Not just my lover, but a lover of women

Someone who doesn’t put his life on hold, just to make the memory of me more precious

But somebody who actively lives his life in between our occasional adventures

And yes, that may be a healthy thing to do

 

But we don’t get to choose where our heart takes us

At least I would not have chosen being stuck in a love 

That feels so intense and so pointless at once

That makes my thoughts go round and round

The same drill everyday

 

These thoughts which are an interplay

Of burning hot and freezing cold 

So intense that I sometimes scream into my pillow,

Scream so loud that my mind is muted

Silence

For a second, at least

 

Ups and downs,

Hate and love

Breaking free from you in one moment

And pledging my eternal loyalty to you in the next

 

Typing down emails full of accusations for the pain you make me feel

And never sending them

But a goodnight kiss instead

 

You want me to be easygoing 

Forgiving 

Trusting

But see, I’m not

My morales are too high to be able to make peace with betrayal

And my intellect too sharp to ignore the flaws in your stories

The dates that don’t match, the numbers that don’t add up

 

I have become jealous, resentful 

I have not chosen to go to this inner place

but the whirlwind of our relationship 

has led me into parts of my soul that I never wanted to see

 

This intensity, these ups and downs,

When will they be over?

I picture you holding me in your arms, tightly 

Calming me down,

saying “Now your heart is safe”

But even believing your words is not an option anymore

Too many times have they misled me

 

What can I do to find peace,

Tell me, what can I do?

 

(Photo: Tanja Schomann)

Comments: 8 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Linnea Udell (Saturday, 04 February 2017 03:53)


    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't show up. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

  • #2

    Catherina Mcqueeney (Saturday, 04 February 2017 11:08)


    No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, so he/she wants to be available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained over here.

  • #3

    Lorna Rowlett (Sunday, 05 February 2017 21:24)


    I've been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  • #4

    Creola Schroyer (Monday, 06 February 2017 08:45)


    I'm not sure why but this blog is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I'll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  • #5

    Arleen Calnan (Monday, 06 February 2017 16:14)


    I feel that is one of the so much vital information for me. And i am happy studying your article. But want to observation on some basic issues, The web site style is wonderful, the articles is truly great : D. Excellent task, cheers

  • #6

    Dia Mohn (Tuesday, 07 February 2017 06:13)


    I all the time used to read post in news papers but now as I am a user of net so from now I am using net for content, thanks to web.

  • #7

    Milagros Stokely (Wednesday, 08 February 2017 10:12)


    I think this is among the most vital info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The site style is ideal, the articles is really excellent : D. Good job, cheers

  • #8

    Angella Provenza (Thursday, 09 February 2017 01:40)


    I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a quick visit this website on regular basis to take updated from newest news.